you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
