On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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