We named our party play list daddy issues
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
