when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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