Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
