I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
