woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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