Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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