Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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