you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
