I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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