I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
