uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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