have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
