I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
True strength comes from lack of pants
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He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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