he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
