Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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