So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
