you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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