I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
