Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
