I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
