I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
