i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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