I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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