YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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