dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
