I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
