just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
