I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
