i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
