i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
