dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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