It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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