That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I did not marry a roomba.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize