I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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