So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
