She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
