how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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