idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
