it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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