Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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