Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
