Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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