I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
