Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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