GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You're like the curious george of whores
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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