Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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