some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
