I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
