I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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