you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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