I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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