Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
