i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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