He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
