i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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