That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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