the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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