I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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