you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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