my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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