yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
