i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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