1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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