1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
