I haven't been this sober since birth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
