If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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