There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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