quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
