Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
