I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
