Sober January is a disaster.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
