i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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