I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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