What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
