Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
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first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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