Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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